Your child at this age may often dream and play make-believe. You can’t make all their dreams come true, but you can listen. Encourage your child to express all their feelings. Show them ways, like the examples shown below, to express anger and other negative feelings in ways that do not hurt other people or things.
Situation:
Your child is angry because they wanted something and you said "no" to the request. They are angry at you and let you know it. Here's a positive way to handle it.
Child: "I won't love you if you won't let me do it; I hate you!"
Mother: (Responding calmly) "You seem to be angry."
Child: "I am! I don't like you!"
Mother: "I understand that you feel angry when you don't get what you want. Sometimes, I feel angry too. When you feel that way, it is better to talk about it. Maybe if I tell you why I said 'No,' you will understand and not be so angry. The reason I said 'No' is ________."
Your child may continue to repeat that they are angry. Your response is the "broken-record" technique. Each time they say they are angry, you calmly say: "I understand you're angry, but you cannot do it." Your child will soon tire of your quiet response and go to another activity.
Situation:
Friends and Toys
Your son built a block tower, which his friend knocked over. Your son then hit his friend. You want to help him shift his expression of anger away from hitting others to talking/telling others he is angry and why.
Mother: "Hitting hurts, and it is not allowed! You can tell your friend how you feel. If you are still angry, you may hit the cushion or hit the plastic nails with the plastic hammer, or you can tell your friend how you feel. But you may not hit Janie."
Now is the time to help your child learn how to tell the friend that he doesn’t like his tower being knocked over. A good pattern for this is to teach your child to say:
"I feel ______ when you ______, and I want you to ______." Fill in the first blank with what they are feeling and the second with the action that upset them. The third blank is for your child to tell what they would rather the other person do.
Note: This is not making your child say, "I am sorry," but having them express their feelings.
Health Hints
Teach your child to wash their hands after using the restroom, before a meal or after playing outside. Show them how to use the soap and thoroughly clean their hands. Remind them to rub their fingers together to clean and rinse between fingers.
Things You Can Do Every Day to Help Your Child Grow
- Remember to read to your child each day. A good book about feelings will help your child develop an understanding of their feelings and the feelings of others. Go to the local library for books on feelings.
- Let your child make believe they are reading their favorite book to you. Help them hold the book right-side up and to turn the pages from the front to the back.
- Let your child explore colors. Finger paint is excellent for this.
- Make a fun time of naming the parts of the body. For example: First touch the nose and ask, "What is that?" Then touch the toes and ask, "What is that?" Touch the ears and ask what they are and what they do. When your child knows the simpler body parts, add new parts such as chin, elbow, knee, waist, etc. Do bending and stretching exercises with your child and have them touch each part as you name the parts. This helps them develop their muscles as well as their mind.
- Toss a soft medium-size ball to your child and let them toss it back to you.
- Give your child toys that are movable, such as cars, trucks, building blocks, puzzles, tricycles, wagons or swings.
- Put a piece of wide masking tape or duct tape on the floor and let your child practice walking on the line.
Help your child work puzzles. Once they master a puzzle, make a game by turning the puzzle pieces facedown and let them turn the pieces over and work it again.