Your child is trying to cope with major hormonal changes that can lead to emotional roller coasters. They might be moodier and show a heightened focus on themselves (body image, clothes and overall looks). They face more challenging schoolwork and more stress from peer pressure that can result in problems such as depression, alcohol and drug use, unsafe sex and eating disorders. If you express concern, your teen may act as if it’s a huge annoyance and may feel as if you have no idea what they’re feeling. They may also think you’re judging them.
Puberty is the time in which a child’s sexual and physical characteristics mature because of changes in their hormones. See a breakdown of the changes that occur, as well as some parenting advice, from the National Institutes of Health.
At This Stage, Your Child May Be
- Beginning to accept responsibility
- Showing respect for individual and cultural differences that help develop healthy relationships
- Using techniques to assertively deal with peer pressure
- Doing a variety of activities that promote social interaction and self-expression
- Analyzing rules to make sure the rules are fair
- Analyzing where materials on the same topic disagree on matters of fact, interpretation or point of view
- Planning and conducting research projects that include several steps and use many credible and documented print and digital sources
- Analyzing the purpose of information presented in diverse media (e.g., print, TV, Web) and evaluating its social, political or commercial motives
- Using strong, active verbs to create a clear picture for the reader (e.g., walk, skip, meander, lurch, limp)
- Interpreting figures of speech (e.g., irony, puns) and developing a large vocabulary of general academic words and phrases
- Working with positive and negative exponents, square root and cube root symbols, and scientific notation (e.g., estimating world population as 7 x 109)
- Understanding congruence and similarity using physical models, transparencies or geometry software (e.g., Given two congruent figures, show how to obtain one from the other by a sequence of rotations, translations and/or reflections.)
- Understanding and applying the Pythagorean theorem (a2 + b2 = c2) to solve problems
- Going back and forth between high expectations and lack of confidence
- Asserting themselves with their own choices about friends, sports and their studies
- Becoming more and more independent from you, with their own personality and interests, though they still very much need you
- Showing more ability to express their feelings through talking
Space Needed
Unfortunately, you’re going to have to soldier through your child’s early adolescent phase and give them space to grow. Learn to knock at their bedroom door before entering; they need their own time and space. Don’t pry. Respect their boundaries and needs to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves. That said, if you’re worried that there are warning signs of substance abuse or other mental health problems (cutting, unsafe sex, drug use), immediately seek help—consult your child’s doctor for a referral to a psychologist, a church youth pastor, social worker, guidance counselor, or your child’s favorite teacher.
Keep Your Child Healthy
- Remind them to always wear their seat belt.
- Encourage your teen to be physically active. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends talking to them about taking up a team or individual sport. Or ask your child to help with household tasks such as mowing the lawn, walking the dog or washing the car.
- Have meals together as a family. This helps teach your child about good food choices, promotes healthy weight and gives your family members time to talk with one another.
- The CDC recommends that you limit your child’s screen time, including computers and video games, to no more than one to two hours per day.
Help Your Child Cope
- Talk about the dangers of drugs, drinking, smoking and risky sexual activity. The CDC recommends asking them about what they know and then sharing your thoughts. Listen to what they say and then answer their questions honestly.
- Talk about the importance of having friends who are interested in positive activities, and avoiding people who pressure them to make unhealthy choices.
- Know where your teen is and whether an adult is present. Make plans with them on when they’ll call you, where you can find them and what time they’re expected home.
- Set clear rules for when your teen is home alone. Establish guidelines for situations when their friends are over, handling emergencies, and completing homework or household tasks.
- Talk about ways they can cope with sadness or anxiety, such as talking with a friend or someone they trust (if not you); listening to music; taking a walk; having an outlet for their feelings such as drawing, writing or playing music; going for a run or playing a sport; or reading a book.
Help Your Child Grow
Children this age have more ability for complex thought, so take advantage of their increased analytical abilities. Try these recommendations from PTA.org:
- Make time in everyone’s busy schedule for family discussions about things going on around the world. Weekends can be a chance for everyone to catch up.
- Visit the campus of a local college with your teen. Begin talking about college early. What does he or she expect from college? What high school courses will your child need to pass to prepare for college?
- Make sure to keep books and magazines around the house that your child will enjoy reading and learning from. For a list of book recommendations, go here.
- Ask your child to share with you any work in math class that interests them. Some possibilities might include: solving problems involving cylinders and spheres, such as figuring out how much water fits inside a garden hose, or how many Earths would fit inside the sun
School Success
To see what to expect in eighth grade and to learn how you can support your child’s school success, visit PTA.org.