As puberty sets in full force, your child’s body is changing faster than they can adapt. They want to be poised and have self-control but are often clumsy and in conflict. They want independence yet yearn to be part of a peer group. Your child may want to push the envelope by talking back, ignoring or breaking rules, or rebelling in some other way. You’ll face the challenge of striking a balance between encouraging your preteen to be responsible and independent while still providing them with security, guidance and protection.
Physical Changes
- Girls: Age 12 is the average for girls to start menstruating. Many will also start developing adult physical features, growing pubic hair and breasts, and experiencing changes in fat distribution. As a result, they may also start facing sexual pressures.
- Boys: A deepening voice, the beginnings of facial hair, penis growth and testicular development may begin at age 12. They may grow several inches in height and see increased muscle mass.
Puberty is the time in which a child’s sexual and physical characteristics mature because of changes in their hormones. See a breakdown of the changes that occur, as well as some parenting advice, from the the National Institutes of Health.
At This Stage, Your Child May Be
- Identifying themselves with a peer group
- Demonstrating the ability to set personal goals
- Understanding the importance of daily physical activity to overall health
- Using active listening in both formal and informal settings
- Reading and writing independently for a variety of purposes
- Using constructive ways to express needs, wants and feelings
- Developing leadership skills
- Determining an author’s point of view or purpose in a nonfiction work and analyzing how the author takes a position different from other authors
- Avoiding plagiarism and following a standard format for citations of research (e.g., footnotes, bibliography)
- Presenting claims and findings to others, emphasizing main points, making eye contact, speaking loudly enough, pronouncing words clearly and using formal English when the situation calls for it
- Solving percentage problems (e.g., tax, tips, markups and markdowns)
- Adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing positive and negative numbers, and solving related word problems
- Solving word problems that have a combination of whole numbers, fractions and decimals (e.g., A woman making $25 per hour receives a 10 percent raise; she will make an additional 1/10 of her salary an hour, or $2.50, for a new salary of $27.50.)
- Using statistics to draw inferences and make comparisons (e.g., deciding which candidate is likely to win an election based on a survey)
- Showing more concern about body image and appearance
- Defining themselves through environment, friends, clothes, culture or TV
- Feeling more stress about schoolwork
- Experiencing more moodiness, including a lot of sadness or depression, which, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, can lead to poor grades, alcohol or drug use, unsafe sex and other problems
- Showing you less affection
- Understanding more and more that there are consequences to their actions
- Beginning to develop personal values
- Developing persistence
Look for a Balance
Physical space and independence are crucial for your seventh-grader’s development, and it’ll be your job to strike a balance. On the one hand, too many rules can lead to rebellion. On the other hand, too few rules can mean your child is vulnerable to poor decisions. You’ll have to choose your battles. For example, you might drop the fight over a spotless bedroom. But you can wage war over safe Internet use to protect your child from predators. Use your judgment.
You’ll have to also walk a line between communication and privacy. Children at this stage need space from you to figure things out, but they should also know you have an open door if they want to talk about the opposite sex, their values and peer pressure.
Safety First! Key Guidelines for Your 12-Year-Old
Many kids this age believe nothing bad can happen to them in hazardous situations. Sports injuries are common. So encourage helmets during bicycle riding, skateboarding, snowmobiling, in-line skating, etc. Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for 12-to-14-year-olds. Require seat belt use.
Discuss having friends who are positive and how to avoid those who make unhealthy choices. Set clear rules for when your child is home alone, and discuss how to handle dangerous situations or emergencies. Also, keep the child to a “checking in” schedule so that you know when to expect them if they’re away from home.
Help Your Child Grow
At school, your seventh-grader will be reading and writing independently. They will also begin applying an understanding of math and numbers to the real world. And you’ll see increased use of the imagination to express their thoughts and feelings. Here are some activities recommended by PTA.org that you can do at home to build on your child’s learning experiences:
- Visit a local museum together and take time to discuss the details of art.
- Have your child plan a family outing, using the Internet or library to research a place that interests them.
- Discuss your child’s favorite books and authors. Dig into why they like them.
- Look for real-life math problems. For example, figure out the amount of a 15 percent tip at a restaurant.
- Use a scale diagram in a newspaper article to determine lengths, areas, distances or other measures.
- Help your child choose a stock and follow its value on the stock market. Have your child calculate the stock’s percent increase or decrease each month.
School Success
To see what to expect in seventh grade and to learn how you can support your child’s school success, visit PTA.org.