Your child is entering puberty, a period of significant physical and emotional development unlike anything since infancy. Puberty’s changes will begin to make their physical appearance, especially in girls. And emotionally, your child will begin to seek more independence from the family.
Puberty is the time in which a child’s sexual and physical characteristics mature because of changes in their hormones. See a breakdown of the changes that occur, as well as some parenting advice, from the National Institutes of Health.
At This Stage, Your Child May Be
- Learning to handle emotions such as fear, frustration and rejection
- Learning to express individual ideas in appropriate ways
- Learning to make appropriate decisions to resolve conflicts arising from the influence of peers
- Applying skills and strategies in individual, dual and team sports
- Using nonverbal communication techniques to enhance meaning
- Participating in a variety of activities that use large and small motor skills
- Learning to accept and value other points of view
- Analyzing how chapters of a book, scenes of a play or stanzas of a poem fit into the overall structure of the piece and contribute to the development of ideas or themes
- Presenting claims and findings to others orally, sequencing ideas logically and accentuating main ideas or themes
- Writing brief reports that examine a topic, have a clear focus and include relevant facts, details and quotations
- Determining the correct meaning of a word based on the context in which it is used (e.g., the rest of the sentence or paragraph; a word’s position or function in a sentence)
- Dividing fractions and solving related word problems
- Using positive and negative numbers together to describe quantities
- Understanding the process of solving simple equations
- Eating more during growth spurts or periods of higher activity (Expect to spend more at the grocery store, because your child may show a “remarkable” appetite.)
- Exhibiting better problem-solving skills and an increased attention span
- More able to take care of remembering routine tasks like brushing their teeth and homework deadlines
- Spending more time in front of the mirror and obsessing about things having to do with their personal appearance (Their sense of identity is affected by the way they look and by their clothes and possessions.)
- More embarrassed to have you around (Don’t feel bad—they feel awkward about displays of physical affection, especially with a parent of the opposite sex. Don’t pressure them to hug and kiss that aunt who pinches their cheek!)
- Valuing winning, enjoying being first and taking the lead (Take notice when your child does something right and use specific motivational phrases like, “You worked hard to make that happen,” rather than, “That’s great.” Help them to feel competent.)
Girls Take the Lead
Kids’ bodies will start changing faster than they can adapt. A girl’s growth spurt may begin this year. She might grow 3 inches or more over the course of the year. Girls’ weight gain is due to depositing body fat to breasts and wider hips. Some boys might not begin their growth spurt for another two years.
Healthy Bodies
With all of this physical change, keep a close eye on what your child is eating. Limit foods high in solid fats, added sugars or salt. Provide plenty of fruits and veggies. Encourage an hour a day of physical activity that’s age-appropriate. Your child is learning to adjust their coordination skills due to rapid growth. Suggest a variety of activities that use both large and small motor skills. And limit screen time, including computers and video games, to one to two hours a day.
Help Your Child Grow
Your relationship with your child will be evolving as much as they are changing emotionally and physically. Here are some tips from PTA.org and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on building positive interaction:
- Listen with your child to a television reporter, politician or other speaker. Ask your child to tell you the speaker’s main points. Was the speaker trying to convince the audience of something? How?
- Visit a library or bookstore together and ask the librarian or bookseller to recommend young adult books such as Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor. To find more books for your child to read, go here.
- Invite your child to participate in an adult gathering, such as a meal with friends, to practice listening skills and making conversation.
- Look for word problems in real life. For example, determine the average speed of a family trip, based on the distance traveled and the time taken. Or find the surface area of the walls and ceiling in a room to determine the cost of painting the room.
- Provide reasons for rules so that your child will know what to do in most situations. Make them clear. Stick to them.
- Help your child develop a strong sense of right and wrong. Discuss peer pressure and the results of risky behavior.
- Use discipline to guide and protect your children—not to punish or to make them feel bad about themselves.
- Talk openly with your child about how their emotions and body will change.
- Encourage your child to set goals and think about the skills and abilities they would like to have.
- Encourage compassion and the value of respecting others.
- Involve your child in household tasks like cleaning and cooking to encourage responsibility.
- Encourage daily reading, and always discuss homework daily.
- Know your child’s friends and their parents, where your child is, and what they are doing at all times.
A Fun Website
The CDC’s BAM! Body and Mind is a website designed for kids ages 9 to 13 to give them the information they need to make healthy lifestyle choices. The site focuses on topics important to them—such as stress and physical fitness—using kid-friendly lingo, games, quizzes and other interactive features.
School Success
To see what to expect in sixth grade and to learn how you can support your child’s school success, visit PTA.org.
Get on Track With College Savings
If you haven’t started already, it’s not too late to begin setting aside some money for your child’s future college or university education. Tennessee makes it easy with the TNStars College Savings 529 Program (www.tnstars.com).
A 529 plan is a savings account that’s specially designed to help you save for college costs. Similar to a 401(k) retirement savings plan, a 529 plan enables you to deposit money into an account. You name a child or grandchild as a beneficiary. Unlike regular savings accounts, you don’t have to pay any federal taxes on the interest, and you will be able to withdraw the money later tax-free as long as it’s used to pay for the beneficiary’s college expenses. It doesn’t matter whether your child goes to college in Tennessee or in another state, and you don’t have to be a Tennessee resident to open the account.
You and any of your relatives can contribute to your child’s education fund—at low cost—through various investment options. Plus, there are special tax advantages under the program. The program has advisers available to walk you through the process and explain how your money will be invested and how it can grow by the time your child is ready to choose a school. Call toll free at 855-3TN-STAR (855-386-7827), or send an email to tn.stars@tn.gov.